Hotel Kerala-fornia

I don't usually put forwarded messages on the blog, but this was too good to resist.. to be sung to the tune of "Hotel California - Eagles"


On the road to Trivandrum
Coconut oil in my hair

Warm smell of avial

Rising up through the air

Up ahead in the distance

I saw a bright pink tube-light

My tummy rumbled, I felt weak and thin

I had to stop for a bite

There he stood in the doorway

Flicked his mundu in style

And I was thinking to myself

I don't like the look of his sinister smile

Then he lit up a petromax

Muttering "No power today"

More Mallus down the corridor

I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel Kerala-fonia

Such a lousy place,

Such a lousy place (background)

Such a sad disgrace,

Plenty of bugs at the Hotel Kerala-fonia

Any time of year

Any time of year (background)

It's infested here

It's infested here

His finger's stuck up his nostril

He's got a big, thick mustache

He makes an ugly, ugly noise

But that's just his laugh

Buxom girls clad in pavada

Eating banana chips

Some roll their eyes, and

Some roll their hips

I said to the manager

My room's full of mice

He said,

Don't worry, saar,I sending you

meen karri, brandy and ice

And still those voices were crying from far away

Wake you up in the middle of the night

Just to hear them pray

Save us from the Hotel Kerala-fonia

Such a lousy place,

Such a lousy place (background)

Such a sad disgrace

Trying to live at the Hotel Kerala-fonia

It is no surprise

It is no surprise (background)

That it swarms with flies

The blind man was pouring

Stale sambar on rice

And he said

We are all just actors here

In Silk Smitha-disguise

And in the dining chamber

We gathered for the feast

We stab it with our steely knives

But we just can't cut that beef

Last thing I remember

I was writhing on the floor

That cockroach in my appam-stew was the culprit,

I am sure

Relax, said the watchman

This enema will make you well

And his friends laughed as they held me down

God's Own Country? Oh, Hell!