May your faith save you...

"Where are you going? School's this way."
Akshay turned around. His friend, Imran, was staring at him with a quizzical look.
"I have to go to the temple. There's something I have to do."
"Are you mad ? The exam's in 30 minutes. If you don't enter the hall on time, you won't be allowed to write."
"Don't worry. I'll make it. Bye bye bye." Akshay called out as he continued walking.

"Are you mad?" Imran had asked him. Fair enough question, he presumed. Imran wouldn't get it anyway. He didn't believe. After all he wasn't one of them now, was he ? He remembered the conversation his mom had with the temple pujari the previous afternoon. He had taken the trouble to come home with the packet that now formed a good 40% of the weight in Akshay's bag.

"Thank you, Swami" his mother had said. "He's been really tense this last week. Not able to concentrate at all on his studies. And it's the board exams also. He needs to get first class to get a good college."
"I understand, child. You don't have to worry. This coconut has been sitting in the temple during the entire puja, right at the feet of the Devi. What more do I have to say ?"
"I don't know, Swami. He gets very scared whenever exams come. During class tests, he writes well but always in the final exam, the tension gets to him."
"Tell him to break the coconut tomorrow morning before going for the exams. All your child's worries and sorrows will disappear with that. He'll write excellently and get distinction. You don't worry."

As Akshay cut through the park, the fastest way to the temple, he recalled another conversation later that night. He'd heard loud voices speaking animatedly downstairs as he tried to make sense of these pages he'd read a dozen times before. Shortly after that, his mom entered his room.
"Was Dad angry again ?"
"Ya. Never mind him. You sit and study. Concentrate on the exams. the papers will be easy.You'll see."
"I hope so."
"And don't forget to visit the temple tomorrow,ok ?"
"I'm guessing Dad isn't a big fan of that idea ?"
"Yeah. Your father doesn't understand. He's not as religious a  person as we are. That's why he doesn't understand the power of the Devi. Just you have to pray to her and she will listen. How many people have gone and prayed at that temple and got their wishes fulfilled. The Raveendrans... they couldn't have a child for so many years. After going to the temple, they were blessed with a child within a year. Now the first thing they do when they land in India is visit the Devi. They've even named the child after her. "
"Really ?"
"This is all the Devi's power. Your father won't understand. That's why his business is doing so badly. After your exams, I'll make sure he comes with us this time to the temple. Right now, the family is running all because of my prayers only. Anyway, you don't worry. The Pujari has said that with the breaking of the coconut, your worries will end. After that, all the answers will come to you and you can write properly."
"Thanks, Mom."

The visit by his dad had been more shorter. He'd just stuck his head through the door last night.
"All the best, champ. You can do it. Just relax and write. I have faith in you."
"Thanks, Dad. Umm, Dad ?"
"Yeah, son ?"
"Is it okay if I go to the temple tomorrow before going for the exams ?"
He watched his dad's face for signs of anger, but there were none. He couldn't quite read it though. A resigned smile ? Exasperation ?
"It's okay. Just don't put all your eggs... or in you and your mom's case, coconuts in one basket. In the end, you still have to study. Breaking a coconut won't get you top marks, just as breaking a headlamp won't increase my car sales. Remember that. God helps those who helps themselves."
"Okay dad.Thanks."

HOOOOOOONNNNNNNNK.
Akshay turned around just in time to see the car screech to a halt a few metres away from him. He'd been lost in his own thoughts and had absent mindedly started crossing the road. As the driver screamed abuses at him, he apologised and continued, thinking to himself "This is a sign. Ma always says before the bad time ends, there will be a big scare and after that, the good times begin. Now, all that's left is to get to the temple and break the .."

Akshay didn't even see the speeding Range Rover coming from the other side as it tossed him into the air like a scarf caught in a breeze. In the last few seconds before everything turned to black, Akshay's life didn't flash before his eyes as he'd read in the books.
Instead, his last vision was of a coconut landing on the road and shattering into a thousand pieces.

Author's note : There is a saying in Malayalam which literally transalates to "May your faith save you." I don't know if it's derived from any other book, but I do find it's use annoying, to say the least. There is a place for faith in all our lives, no doubt, but it is not as an antagonist for common sense and logic.    


 

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That white lady's lost it !!

I've watched Simi Garewal since Rendezvous with Simi Garewal first aired in 1997. I loved the poise and dignity with which she conducted that show; the picture-perfect sets, the immaculate dressing and that amazing poise of the lady in white. She really turned the style quotient up. Which is why, watching her in India's Most Desirable, I almost feel like shooting the creative directors/producers behind the show. I mean seriously !?! What were you guys thinking ?

Where do I even begin ? Oh ya, let's start with the nymphomaniac alter ego. Whose idea was it to have this 63 year old lady behave like a cringy 6 year old girl called Kiki ? KIKI !!?? Was there a shortage of flirty-girl names that you decided to use the name of what I presume was an Angry Bird mating call ?


And flirting with Ranbir and Shahid Kapoor with that voice...ewwww !! How would you feel if you had Amitabh Bachchan biting his lower lip seductively and telling Kareena Kapoor "Big B loves you, baby. Come sit on my lap like you used to when you were a kid" in a similarly childish voice. Forget the Big B,I can't think of a single incidence in real life where that works ( Wives have to put up with their husbands behaving like immature kids due to that mangal sutra, so that doesn't count. )
Watching her talk like that made me feel dirty. I swear, if my parents walked in on me watching Kiki, I'd rather defend myself saying I was watching porn !! ( cough.. cough.. whatever that is. )

I'm also sure getting a skin care brand to sponsor the show of a 63 year old who's trying to be a 6 year old was a brilliant idea, but you know what ? The more I see it, the more I realise the long silences as Simi stares at her guest aren't meant to be poignant pauses...they're just her jaw muscles trying unsuccessfully to fight the botox and show a smile.

And what happened to the dresses ? She used to look majestic in the earlier show. Now she looks like she's got the same tailor as Cruella De Ville from the 101 Dalmations movie !
If you're running out of white dresses to create for her, may I make a suggestion ? Go for the classics. Cut two small holes in a white bedsheet and make her wear it over her head. That, along with the expressionless smile underneath would make her a shoo-in if they decide to make another sequel to THE GRUDGE.

Of course, getting a crowd along was a brilliant idea. Hey, if it worked for Oprah, why wouldn't it work here ? I just don't get why so many of today's MALE youth feel the need to hug the likes of Shahid and John Abraham. I would readily hug a Sonam Kapoor or an Anushka Sharma, but I don't see myself asking to hug Siddharth Mallya ( kudos to whoever decided he's India's Most Desirable, by the way. When's Rahul Mahajan coming on ? )  Also, I'm not trying to stir a controversy or suggest anything, but why didn't anyone hug Karan Johar ? The guy was genuinely feeling down at times and speaking from the heart and yet noone thought "This dude needs a bro hug."  

Getting a lady with a crystal ball and tarot reading cards was very original too, I guess. I just have one question. Was Dumbledore too busy to attend or did he refuse to return after Kiki hit on him backstage ? I mean, what the hell, man.. this was the same lady who was doing the most dignified Bollywood talk show and you have her playing with cards ? And did I see an episode in between where they were hitting gongs and pressing buzzers instead of just answering yes and no ? 

I'm sorry. I really have tried to like this show but it's hopeless. Between the tarot cards, the Lolita alter ego, the questionable choices for guests, the cartoonish drawings at the end and the frilly dresses, you've lost me.

The sad reality is you've destroyed Simi's 14 year TV credibility in the matter of a dozen shows.
All that's left is for the day to come when I turn on the television and see Simi in a golden tank-top balancing on a unicycle with a beach ball on her nose while simultaneously jiggling away to 'Simi ki Jawani' while the guest Anna Hazare licks his lips in the background waiting for Kiki to appear. 

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What's luck got to do with it ?


"Luck is the sense to recognize an opportunity and the ability to take advantage of it." - Samuel Goldwyn

"You're just lucky."
I hear that a lot and I'm sure many of you have heard it too. I wonder if it irritates you as much as it irritates me. I always found that statement annoying because I felt I'd been dealt a bad hand in many important issues in my life by God/myself.

As a doctor working in an operation theatre, luck plays a major role in saving some unexpected disasters during an operation, but there is no substitute for skill and talent, if you ask me. If you know what to do and how to do it, lady luck will be there more often than not sitting on your shoulder, just to give the final touches. Of course, it isn't always just about work. It applies to games too. Literally, in my case.

Last week, I won a 1000 tickets at the gaming centre in City Centre, Mangalore.
It was one of those 'Press thrice accurately to win the Jackpot' games. I did later confirm from the staff there that I was the first one to win since it started.

They told me I was really lucky. That I should go buy a lottery ticket.

Funny. That's the same thing I heard at another mall in February where I was the first one to win the "Click at 1000" game, winning a Motorola mobile.
It's the same thing that staff have said for the past 3 years when I won half a dozen stuffed toys playing the 'Click at 1000' game in other gaming zones.

The fact is I can control when I press the button. I can aim for the number. I always felt it was a honed skill. I can prepare for a difficult case because I can anticipate what can go wrong.
But I can't aim for picking a winning lottery ticket whose number I don't know. I have tremendously bad luck when I play in the stock markets ( I'm sorry guys. The whole market crash which everyone blamed on the Greeks and the U.S. was actually me putting money into the market and the 'miraculous' recoveries matched my exiting the market to the minute ! I really should warn you guys the next time I invest. )

I don't really know where luck ends and skills begin or vice versa. I don't buy into the "it's a fine line" theory. For me, there's a big gap between these two facets of life. It isn't about wearing gold rings or whether astrologically speaking, my Pluto is in UrAnus.

I don't have all the answers as to why we're so lucky in some aspects of life and so unlucky in others. Just a random roll of the dice, I guess. Oh, and by random, I DO mean a Shakuni styled roll of the dice, of course, where you know how the dice will land.

What's been your best experience with Lady Luck till date ?

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Friday never ends...





Me : ( to myself ) PUSH PUSH !!
Me : ( to patient ) push push.
Patient : heh...
Me : ( to myself ) PUSH PUSH !!
Me : ( to patient ) Madam, your child is almost out. Come on, with a little effort, he'll be out in the next contraction.
Gynaecologist : ( to patient ) If you don't make an effort, we'll have to do a Caesarean operation to get the child out.
Patient : heh...
Me : ( to myself ) PUSH PUSH !!
Me : ( to patient ) push push.
Patient : heh...

Me : ( to God ) WILL YOU PLEASE MAKE HER PUSH HARDER ALREADY !! WE'VE BEEN WAITING AN HOUR IN HERE !!!
God : The God you're trying to reach is presently busy. Your prayer is important to us. Please hold that thought or think it again later.
Me : ( to God ) I KNOW YOU'RE LISTENING !! YOU BETTER MAKE HER PUSH HARDER !!
God : ....or ?
Me : ( to God ) or I'm gonna keep singing Rebecca Black's Friday.
God : .........
Me : (to God ) I'm serious.
God : .......
Me : ( to God ) It's Friday, Friiiiday...gotta get down on Friiiiday
God : ALRIGHT !! ALRIGHT !! I'M HERE !
Me : ( to God ) That really is an annoying song.
God : Tell me about it. I don't know what I was thinking. So what's the problem this time ?
Me : ( to God ) Well, there's this lady here. She's having her 6th kid and she just ain't progressing in labour. We've been waiting for hours now and...hang on a second...
Me : ( to patient ) push push.
Patient : heh...
God : "heh" ?!! That's it ? That's the effort she's making ?
Me : ( to God ) I know, right ? I mean, dude !!! I make a bigger effort while trying to touch my nose with my tongue, man !
God : So what do you want me to do ?
Me : ( to God ) Think of that poor child. With all this time being wasted, the risk increases. So I was thinking ,you know, we could do a good thing and get that baby out quick and safe.
God : Oh well. It's a good enough reason. Abraca dabra.
Me : ( to God ) ABRACA DABRA ??
God : My world, my rules.

Gynaecologist : ( to patient ) Try one more time.
Patient : heh...
Gynaecologist : ( humming to herself ) It's Friday, Friiiiday...gotta get down on Friiiiday...
Patient : AAAAAAAAAHHH ! I hate that sooooOOOOoOONG !! AAAAAAHH !!
Gynaecologist : THAT'S IT !! PUSH PUSH !
Me : PUSH PUSH !
Patient : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa...

5 Minutes later
Me : It's a healthy boy. Great. Now we can all go sleep in peace.
God : Hang on a second. You were called for a Caesearean. If the child delivers naturally, you don't get paid.
Me :  I'll manage. You know me... it ain't about the money. Heart of gold, service to mankind and all that...
God : It's Friday, Friiiiday...gotta get down on Friiiiday....
Me : ALRIGHT ! ALRIGHT !! You don't have to torture a guy !!
God : So what's the real reason ?
Me : The thing is if it's a Caesarean, I'd have to change into an operation gown and the only ones available are all small.. I tried wearing them and well, do you remember the movie Karan Arjun ?
God : Yeahh... ?
Me : Remember the loose fitting kurtas Salman and ShahRukh wore ??
God : Yeahh...I thought loose was good..
Me : Yeah, well, mine fits like Mamta Kulkarni's choli.
God :.....
Me : .....
God : So you weren't really praying for the child ? You just didn't want to wear a tight dress...
Me : More like a blouse actually. Besides,it's the ending that counts, you know.
God : You're weird.
Me : Yeah. Well, what're you gonna do about it ? The kid's out, my day's done. Looks like I won.
God : Yeahhh... well, it's the ending that counts, right ? Don't forget that...

What did he mean by that, I wondered, as I left the hospital.

Epilogue :
It's been 2 days since that delivery and I still can't get that damn song "IT'S FRIIIIDAY, FRIIIDAY...GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY !!" out of my head.
DAMN YOU GOD !!! GOD ?? GOD !!! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME !!!
God : The God you're trying to reach is presently busy. Please stay online while we put you on hold.. ( Background music : It's Friday, Friiiiday...gotta get down on Friiiiday... )
Me : ( to myself ) Aaaaaaaaahhhh !!!

Author’s note :
The above anecdote is inspired by true delusions.




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