Reliving life's lessons the easy way.

"What a bunch of p**** hair !!" he screamed in our mother tongue.
I stared at the kid in front of me. I didn't know what shocked me more - the fact that he was using such language at the age of 6 or the fact that his annoyance was directed at a religious serial going on a local channel where a certain famous 10 headed foreign demon was fighting a monkey army as God watched."How can you say that ?" I asked him, my complaint directed at his language. He mistook my intentions apparently. He found nothing wrong with the language. He instead, felt the need, to defend a greater issue in his mind.
"What ? You expect me to believe that this actually happened - multi headed men, flying chariots, shape changers, monkeys making a bridge and fighting demons and winning ? Aren't you a doctor ? Shouldn't you have some sense ? If all that existed then, why can't it happen now ?"
I stared at him blankly. He'd beaten me on several counts - language, logic, science, my shaky faith... and yet I felt sad for him and his parents who stared open mouthed at him.

The last few months have been hard. Terrible would be a more apt adjective perhaps. The double teaming by sacroiliitis and sciatica, missing out on work and it's far reaching consequences, being a burden on my family even at this age... it was a harrowing cocktail of suffering. At the worst of it, I was totally immobilised because the sciatica wouldn't allow me to move my leg even a centimetre either way. Simple things like moving in bed were impossible and I could only watch as mosquitoes had their fill late at night, preferring their bite to the horrifying pain.

People who know me ( or who've read this blog ) know fully well my relationship with the Big Guy is at best weird. Yet, at the peak of this pain, when a well meaning woman adviced me to turn to religion for the answers, I listened. Pain will do that to you. It will make you do things you never thought you'd do.
Anyway, she told me that I will find all the answers I need in the religious books she had and offered me her own. She told me she could feel in me a lack of belief and adviced me to read this particular book end to end to get clarity on life.
You want to know something funny ? She was right. You see, I did take up her word. I did choose to go through with this immobile adventure. Over the course of the 3 weeks as the pain shot through me everytime I tried to move my limb, I persevered with this activity. I went through each chapter, each moment - turning and retracing my steps through the pages when I felt the need to walk through a lesson of life again.

And I learnt a lot of valuable lessons. Flipping randomly now, I present these :

"Sometimes the only way to take a really good look at yourself is through someone else's eyes.. if you're lucky, you'll like what you see... or you'll learn from it."

"It's funny how our perceptions can be so off.. like when you're searching for a place to fit in and you don't even realise you've been there the wholetime."

"No matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be... with the help of those around you, you'll get though this too."

"Maybe it's not about being the best. Maybe it's about finding the little things that get you through the day... whether its the support of someone close to you... or letting yourself feel overwhelmed, if only for a moment.. or being selfless every once in awhile."

"I guess in the end, things seldom work out the way you expect...sometimes fate is on your side. Other times ,well, you've kind of sealed your own fate. Either way, you have to trust that whatever is supposed to happen will happen. Besides, somehow you always seem to end up with the person you're meant to be with."

"It's important not to take life for granted.. whether it's appreciating your relationships... or renewing your friendships... just get out and start living life."

These and all the other lessons on love, life and dealing with sorrow didn't heal my leg. But they got me through a dark period of mental anguish. It helped that there were so many anecdotes along the way to keep the book interesting. And that is why I’d recommend it to anyone going through a period of loss of faith or self doubt. There's just one thing... you see, I lied a wee bit to you.
There was no religious book.
I finished reading the Big three religion's books before I even left college. ( Here's the big secret, fanatics and busybodies - they all preach the same thing in a gazillion words - "Love everyone and do good. Like Santa Claus, God’s watching and he’s got a list of who’s naughty and nice." )

I instead learnt a lot about facing life and it's challenges from my new collection of sermons... or should I say episodes, of an unassuming severely flawed man trying to get through in life himself.. Dr John Dorian from the Tv Sitcom SCRUBS. As I waded through a 100 episodes and more over the course of the disease, I realised a lot about my own flaws ( besides being a couch potato, or in this case - a bed potato. ) I realised a lot of life lessons were coming back to me. You see, this show wasn't telling me things I didn't know already. It was reminding me of lessons I'd known all along, but forgotten as I'd travelled along the rocky path called life ( And I’m guessing the same applies to us all ). 

There was enough humour to keep the easily bored Aquarian in me interested, while teaching me a valuable lesson I would have otherwise shut my ears to if they'd been delivered from an elder's mouth. 

The funniest part of life’s mysteries is that the answers are hidden in the most unlikeliest of places, if you're willing to accept them.

We're living in a day and age where logic and science are the basis of everything. Access to knowledge and porn, God and atheism is literally at our fingertips side by side. In such an atmosphere, no matter how hard you try to instil values in children in their formative years, the day will arise when they will question the beliefs you instilled in them... whether it's the benefit of praying 5 times a day or the reason to believe a book that claims a child carried a mountain on his little finger for days. If you don't have the right answer, unlike in generations past, the child will always have other avenues to seek answers in this day and age. And the sad part is, if he does find a satisfactory answer elsewhere, he may figure that every value he's been taught till date needs to be questioned. In doing so, he’ll forget the very reason the religious books and Gods were there in the first place - to help us become a better person.

And suddenly, one fine day, the kid you raised in a pure vegetarian, Brahmin home will call the religious characters you pray to “a abunch of p**** hair” in front of a perfect stranger. And you’ll be left speechless and ashamed.

In the end, it's always helpful to have another means to get the message through.
Even if you're God, I guess.

The above video is an example of just that - a lesson in life about family and how you can count on them. It's a scene where the younger doctors are taking turns watching over their senior Doc who's in a state of silent drunken shock and considering giving up his career/?life because he believes his medical decision killed 3 patients. Surprisingly, the one resident who considers him God, John Dorian doesn't come to offer him moral support.. till the end. This is the conversation they had.

Why does J.D. smile at the end of this video ? Because it's the first time in 5 years of working together ( and 5 years of TV serial history ) - going from intern to resident to coworker - that his mentor Dr Cox does two things - give him an appreciative pat on his back... and call him by his real name.

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I wonder...

How big a deal is your horoscope to you ? 

That's it really. No wild rant as usual.. I just want to know how much importance you/your family give to your birth horoscope. Does it affect your life - in choosing the hubby, the bad times and good times etc ?

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Yippeee !!! Star Trek 11 !! Woohoo !!

Fine. Fine. Call me a geek. Call me a nutjob. Call me ancient. Call me... a trekkie.

I don't care.

I've always been a Star Trek fan, both of the original series and later The New Generation and so after watching the whole franchise die over the years, I'm literally jumping ( ok, limping ) with joy as the first reviews of the new movie are out and they are A-W-E-SOMMME, calling it perhaps 'the best prequel of all time' !!!

Indeed,  like Batman, Star Wars, Superman and James Bond, these guys too were risking it all on a gamble - with a prequel going back to the origins of characters we geek/nerd/trekkies have been following for decades now. And unlike the other prequels, here an all-new cast of unknown kids were chosen. The ship's design, features and abilities were limited because it was the beginning.  It really should have all gone wrong... and yet, I admit to having always had high hopes for this movie in a season of sci-fi heaven ( Terminator Salvation, Wolverine : Origins, Transformers 2 ), especially after seeing the teaser trailor. 

Why is it such a big pop culture thing for me ? Think about it. This was a show created in 1966, before man had stepped on the moon, which talked about time travel. In an era of apartheid, cold war, hatred and prominent sexism, you dared to have a Russian, a Japanese and a black woman as prominent crew members on a show. Stories were always about encountering new races and yet managed to discuss relevant themes like dictatorship, religion, feminism, culture and human rights. Original sci-fi concepts were created ( warp speed, teleportation ) which even today endure and bring a smile. In creating this fantasy world, the creator Gene Roddenberry, didn't create characters. He created a whole new world. All the original characters became legends literally, with a gazillion catch phrases and spoofs about them existing even today. Star Trek comics, conventions,  cartoons, movies, new Tv serials ( The Next Generation - arguably the best of the lot, Voyager, Deep Space 9, Enterprise )...you had it all over 4 decades.

In short, I guess Gene did more than strive for originality, he did more than fight people's perceptions... he achieved what his characters set out to do all those years back : - 

To boldly go where no man has gone before.

Below is the trailor of the movie.. I've seen it half  a dozen times... and I still get goosebumps as the music reaches a high and they take their positions for the first time. I guess that's a sure sign that I'm a TREKKIE, huh ? Hehe... have no doubts, I'm proud of it !!!

LIVE LONG AND PROSPEROUS !

P.S. I also must share this anecdote that seems so awesome.. the people who got to view this movie in advancee ahead of it's release date actually went into the theatre under the false permise that they were being shown the 20 year old Star Trek movie : The Wrath of Khan with some additional footage. As you can imagine, there was still a huge turn out of fans even though they all probably had the DVDs and knew the lines byheart. 10 minutes into the 'screening of the old movie', the movie starts to dissolve in the theatre.. the lights come on and standing in front of the paid public is Leonard Nimoy aka Spock, one of the most iconic characters of the original series. After all the hysteria died down a good 5 minutes later , Spock very calmly asks the crowd one simple question - "Would you like to watch the additional 10 minutes of the old film... or would you like to be the first people on Earth to watch the new movie ?"

And history was made...

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Our morality... a nice myth, ain't it ?

There are so many issues going on during the elections that I really was a kid at a chocolate factory, stuck with too many choices on what to talk about. Since everyone and their grandson is ( hopefully ) bored to death listening about temples and weak Prime Ministers, I thought I’d just have fun with another ‘election incident’ that is so relevant to us all, apparently. 

Of course, what started off as fun doesn’t always end that way. 

Turns out our very own Munnabhai, Sanjay Dutt is in legal trouble again today for allegedly  saying that he would "give jaadu ki jhappi and pappi' (a magical hug and kiss) to the people of Pratapgarh, and to BSP leader Mayawati".The district magistrate obviously found the remarks morally demeaning and so slapped on a notice on ol’ Dutt boy for defiling Mayawati’s purity. 

Of course, we’re no strangers to all this.

 We’ve slapped cases on Aishwarya and Hrithik in the past for kissing onscreen, saying it was ‘obscene’.We’ve growled and barked like rabid dogs when Richard Gere gave Shilpa a noogie, even as she giggled uncontrollably.We’ve beaten up girls for drinking immorally in pubs.We’ve made villages ‘Muslim-free’.We’ve spit on everything from noodle straps and Valentine cards to couples in bikes and English teaching schools, saying it’s foreign invasion of our pure culture. 

PURE CULTURE.

That’s a nice word, isn’t it ? It allows us to stand on a pedestal and dictate morality to the rest of the world because we live in the land of purity where men of honesty and valour lived, traditions were followed, women were pious and of the ‘sati-savitri’ mould.Where the foreigners ( sometimes 10 headed Sri Lankans, sometimes Mughal emperors and sometimes evil Bible wielding nuns ) were the evil ones.

 Just like today. Where the outsiders are the bad guys trying to corrupt our purity.Silly me. I keep looking at things from my vodka laden kaleidoscope, I guess.

You see, I keep wondering how our nation can consider kissing a willing girl or hugging her a crime ? It’s immoral, it seems. Well, considering we have the second largest population in the world, I think we could use a lot more foreplay ( read as hugging and kissing ) out here rather than release a really horny bull into the matrimonial cowshed. Maybe then we wouldn’t be impregnating women like as if they were salmon !! Maybe then our decades old plan ‘Hum do hamare do’ might actually work.  

Of course, I get how we blame foreigners for sexual diseases. After all, they’re the only ones who can get diseases.Those dirty American girls kissing their men in public and walking around in bikinis. Indians don’t get them, do they ? Not us macho manly men with our virgin wives. Those diseases are by the Americans. The best example is of course AIDS, which happened because some American or some other foreigner went and had sex with a monkey, I hear. That shows how sick they were and still are. Not like us pure Indians. Don’t listen to the statistics. What statistics ? Oh, you know, statistics like  :

In 2007, People living with HIV/AIDS in INDIA : 2.4 million

             People living with HIV/AIDS in USA : 500,000

             People living with HIV/AIDS in Europe : 300,000

 Bloody sexually deviated foreigners !!! Must have really liked our Indian bodies to come and give 2.4 million of us HIV. All via needles too, I bet since we Indians don’t have sex before marriage. And we don't stray after marriage too.

The fact of the matter is – I never understood how we alone ended up giving so much value to our past moral culture when the fact is – we’ve never really had a glorious past morally. Like every rich culture ( Greek, Egyptian, Roman ), we too have had our great moments but we too have been tremendously ( and I stress, tremendously ) guilty of all the heinous sins of mankind, ranging from betrayal and murder to rape and incest. Even back then, we had the foundation of society which laid down rules. Even back then, the rules were broken when power decreed so. 

The truth is – I sometimes think we would have been better off without our rich culture and past. Is it possible that perhaps, then, we’d have been more open to change and keeping up with the rest of the world as it rushes ahead ? I can’t help but wonder. Maybe then we'd accept that we are capable of shameful acts instead of sweeping them under the mat and pretending they never occurred.

I mean, it's one thing to blame foreign TV serials for corrupting today's youth... but you know something ?Atleast, they openly depict what their society is - the deviations, the flaws and the virtues that all coexist together in every society.  Unlike us, they don't need to boost their sense of morality by projecting even these fictional TV characters as purely good boys, incapable of a single vice.  The fact is, they accept their flaws and continue while we are stuck in the same quagmire simply because we refuse to accept we can be flawed. Simply because we refuse to accept that sometimes CHANGE FROM TRADITION CAN BE A GOOD THING.

Today, once more society exists with rules written in the sheets of law. And once more, rules are broken whenever power demands it. And we watch helplessly. We prefer to find evil in things like religious conversions and cow-meat and immorality in girls wearing smaller dresses and corrupting young honest men.

The fact of the matter is – A sexually frustrated pervert will remain a sexually frustrated pervert. The only thing that changes is how far he’d be willing to go. How far he thinks he can get away with what he does. You could put a chastity belt on women and dress them up thicker than a Christmas tree for all it matters. He’d just get scissors and a blow torch to assist him in satisfying his wanderlust. There’s no need for a bikini as an excuse for that. Scarily enough, sometimes I think society and it’s rules and the fear of punishment and humiliation maybe the only thing that stops the average man from following out his animal instincts and turning truly barbarian. 

Sure, we’ve miles to go before we turn Taliban-cuckoo and start shooting people we suspect of affairs or flogging women on the streets. But I can’t shake away the feeling that we’re taking the wrong steps backwards towards that kind of a society either. We’re taking our own morality way too seriously and finding faults where none exist - just like the Taliban do.

If we can bark at romantic cards and beauty pageants calling them foreign invasion, then technically shouldn’t we be riding chariots to work – work being of course tilling the paddy fields and selling the cotton ? Shouldn’t we all be playing dice and supporting Chennai Super King’s chess team rather than the Britisher’s game of cricket ? Shouldn’t we all be attending swayamwaras and having multiple wives ? ( or 5 husbands, if you have a drowsy mother-in-law giving them permission to share you !! )

Get a life.. we’re all morally corrupt. Accept it. It isn’t based on our religion or caste.The line isn’t drawn on a map of the world either.. it isn’t that simple.You see, it’s in each one of our heads. And it's what we decide to do , or more importantly, decide not to do with our perverted mind's thoughts in the end that matter. 

It’s what makes a hug a greeting for one person and a sexual advance for another. 

Authors word : This post is based on a conversation I had with a friend recently and her own personal trauma with some ‘very educated trust-worthy coworkers’ and how they escaped and left her feeling ashamed and cheap because of unrelated issues like her religion. It reminded me of how morally corrupt we are in reality and how we always hide it under this nonsense facade of Indian piousness. I didn’t have the right words then for her... and I don’t think I have the right words now either. 

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How ironic !!!

GODYears.blogspot.com

WANTED FOR THE SUPREME SEXIFYING of a PERFECT BLOGGER'S BUTTOCKS

$2100

What's Your Blog Wanted For?

Created by OnePlusYou

Now, that's just mean.. just when I'm recovering from a surgery on my best feature ( my J-lo Butt ) for my sacroiliitis. 

Feels like a posthumous award.

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The billionth voter

Disclaimer : I’m probably gonna be unpopular after this post but... well, aren’t blogs a forum for discussion too ?

Just a question before we start – how’d you feel if you saw Laloo Prasad Yadav’s kid using his political influence to get into the national cricket team even though he’s a crappy cricketer and come out to represent the country in international matches with no one having the guts to kick him out even though he proves to be an embarrassment to the team ? Think of it.

Being bedridden provided me with a lot of spare time to follow the news channels and media as they ran around covering the ongoing build-up to the elections. Part of the media was trying to woo the viewers to vote, aiming for a billion votes this election. I like the concept and what they seek to achieve, because after all, we have a huge untapped base of sensible people who just don’t vote. I’ll come back to that issue in awhile.

Watching the media run from pillar to post though was a thoroughly disheartening experience for me. Because what I saw was simply appalling, to be frank.

Political parties weren’t talking of their grand schemes to make the nation a better place. They were just gossiping and bitching out loud in front of an audience. You had one of the major parties going back to literally dangerous ground, giving up topics like employment, rural education and facilities for something called a Ram temple in Ram’s birthplace. I’m sorry, but in a nation with such a huge population below the poverty line, how is a temple of any significance ? To pray while they die of starvation ? Shouldn’t we have temples for Ram’s earlier world saving avatars as well then at their respective birthplaces – let’s see, that would include a temple for a huge fish, a tortoise and a boar , right ?

Instead of discussing solid plans of development and schemes, the parties have focussed this entire election worth billions of rupees on a novice brat’s remarks that he’d cut off minority people’s hands. One major party probably overdid the punishment while the other shockingly backed the remarks. His mommy went to town getting mileage on it, insulting the presiding minister’s lack of having kids which really is an attack more worthy of fisherwomen ( I apologise to fisherwomen reading  this who may feel insulted. )

We have political parties with no common ideologies getting together to form the Third front, knowing fully well that if no one gets the majority, they’ll be needed to form a government as a coalition. It doesn’t matter that they disagree on every major issue of the election... just as long as they get their seat.

‘Tickets’ to contest aren’t given to hard workers or people with strong convictions. They’re given to actors and actresses instead, whose charms are more likely to woo the starstruck population. Where certain politicians have been barred from contesting owing to pending court cases, they’ve handed over the seat to their wife so that they can rule via her – is that how governments are supposed to be run ? I even found out that the guy who savagely burnt the priest, Staines, all those years ago was thinking of contesting but didn’t get the ticket in the end. Is that the kind of people who you want running your nation ? Proven murderers ?

Both parties make fun of the other’s policies on terrorism and how they can do better if they’re elected. Yet, no one has laid forth a rock solid plan on exactly what is their major plan to ensure our safety. Noone seems to be bothered about silly things like rural upliftment, empowerment of women, education and food or how we’ll be able to cope with the worldwide economic crisis – focussing instead on running their enemies with a roller, promising free Tvs to everyone and carrying swords to every election stage. One party is taking credit for our success in the Olympics and Oscars ( ?? ) while the other resorts to singing parodies on stage making fun of the former.

In short, no one is talking with a fixed plan on how they’re going to take India forward. The issues being discussed are all idiotic and irrelevant to the growth of the nation. It isn’t adult political issues, it’s idiotic schoolyard fights going on, calling each other names, talking about their bad bits and insulting their mommies.

The Election Commission too has been shown to be a toothless watchdog. Sadly, I see them pointing out various faults which are sensible, but it’s with the knowledge that they can’t do a thing – they haven’t been given any power, as was shown in the humiliating Varun Gandhi incident where they were told to buzz off, in no uncertain terms. It was a case of a classroom bully slapping the teacher after molesting a child, knowing fully well the teacher can’t do a thing back. Is that the kind of classroom you’d want your kids to be in ?

Which brings me back to the crux of this article. As I said at the beginning, the media was trying to woo the viewers to vote, aiming for a billion votes this election. I like the concept and fully understand what they are aiming for.

But I will not be exercising my right to vote this year.

Why ?

Are you willing to let a newspaper boy do open heart surgery on your mother ?

Are you willing to let a butcher run a space centre ?

Would you let a parrot handle your finances ?

Forget surgery and space centres, would you guys have been ok with my first question of this post – a rich kid with no talent buying his way into our successful Dhoni-led dream team? No ? And that’s just a game, right ?

And yet, you want me to vote on who will run a country and you give me a choice between criminals of all varieties including thieves, rapists, murderers, religious fanatics,inexperienced  actors and actresses, uneducated trouble makers and proven political failures ? The handful of honest goal driven individuals are so few and far apart I can count them, using one hand and I know they cannot significantly contribute to the nation, their virtues making them a pariah in this field.

No. I won’t vote. Because this is not a case of choosing a lesser evil. I must not have to choose between a corrupt toothless party,a religiously intolerant party or a dozen smaller parties with no fixed plans to run the biggest democracy. This is a huge responsibility and people who are capable of running the nation with fixed plans and goals should be in charge, not just every criminal of the street who’s decided that rather than working or studying, he’ll just join politics and become a millionaire.

If the educated working class like us doctors, bankers and engineers can be held accountable for us mistakes, then I want to know why politicians are not held accountable. If I promise you a safe operation and I don’t deliver, I am liable for legal action and losing my hard earned degree. So why are these clowns any different ? They never fulfil their promises, they take bribes and steal, they twist the law, change their political stand ( which was the basis on which people voted for them ) based on personal vendettas, cause riots to show displeasure, never attend the assemblies for which they were elected in the first place and once there, only cause chaos rather than engage in meaningful discussion. And since they have to save their ass, it’s a given that they will never allow for any law to be passed which would bar ‘their kind’ from taking part in elections.

So you know what ? I really hope you get your billion votes in this coming elections. I hope that there are a billion Indians who’ve seen the choices before them and felt that there is someone who can take India forward rather than drag us down. But I’m afraid I’m not one of them.  I’m one of ‘those weirdoes’ who won’t let a monkey do surgery on my family in an operation theatre. And I won’t be forced into letting the monkey do it just because the other option is a hyena who doesn’t even have an opposable thumb. That’s not how it works.

I am not convinced by the lot I see campaigning before my eyes this year. They are not capable of helping my nation move forward.

I will not be that billionth voter. 

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Docs make the worst patients.

I'm not fond of hospitals. Not as a patient. It's been nearly a decade since i was last in a hospital as a patient.
When nothin else worked though, i did eventually have to face facts and head off to one of the best centres in the state. Nothing else by the way included all the crazies suggested by some relatives- you know, marinating me with tulsi leaf paste and also eating tulsi leaf masala. Ever been marinated before ? I'm sure it's fun as a whipped cream over kinky lover's bod thingy, but when it's green leafy goo that drives mosquitoes away and makes the dog whimper thinking she's seen a swamp monster... Then it sucks. I'm not going into the details. Let's just say, it's over.

Anyway, finally i'm in a hospital having got an open biopsy of the joint done. Sigh.. Yes, my beautiful J lo butt has been zorro-ed once the surgeons found a knife / chain saw big enough to pierce through. Sigh ! Guess someone put the evil eye on my butt, huh? I knew i ought to have placed a mark to ward off that evil eye... I ought to have stuck a monkey's photo on my butt,the way some people stick it on their houses in Kerala to achieve the same purpose. Oh well, better late than never. Once i'm outta here, i'm gonna tattoo a gibbon and a orangutan on my butt cheeks. EVIL EYE, MY ASS !!

Anyway, I got to experience general anaesthesia after giving it for 2 years to thousands of patients. Man, it's cool. One second you're awake, the next thing you know you're awake again and gonna complain about what the delay is when you feel a major pain in the ass and realise the operation's over.
The fact that I got morphine for pain relief was pretty cool too. For those who don't know, morphine's like the Scarlett Johansson of pain relief- totally awesome.

Anyway for now, I await the results. I'd like to thank all those who wished me this last few weeks, who took the extra effort for me ( illeen, rats ) even though i'm a 'stranger' and those people who've come through in real life when i needed them the most ( my parents and bro, the selfless aunt who's my caretaker here, my genius-mentor-batchmate Govind who's taking time off from his ridiculous hours of work here to look after my needs, my buddies through all seasons Hari, Ani, Ramna, Pada, Sandheep and Suheil. )

it's true. Friendship is thicker than blood. After all, friends are the family you choose, right ?
Now if you'll excuse me, i've to page the cute nurse to umm...(get me pain pills - done. Reach up and on the tv - done. Remind her i'm single - done. Wipe my brows and complain about the humidity - done. A-ha! Got it. ) Fluff my pillow.
Hey, I'm a doc in pain here. I'm entitled to some fun too !

Nurse. Oh nurse...

P.S. Thanks Quakeboy, for the wonderful news.. my "marital" post got selected by Blogadda for Spicy Saturdays picks. Thanks for getting me voted man.

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