A memory of sweets

In the last 2 weeks, I've seen a neurosurgeon open up a skull and scrape off infective material off a brain, I've seen a kilo of ingested sand removed from a neglected one year old child, I've seen a 22 year old woman crumble after finding out she had got AIDS from her husband. Yet, it's none of this that has given me an aching chest.. it was seeing a small innocuous chocolate in a store that really got me reeling. It's weird isn't it. Medically, I can't explain why the chest aches when we think of sad times ; I don't know the chemical reactions involved. I'm kind of hoping that it's just a coincidental timing - that it's nothing more than a "obesity - atherosclerotic artery - impending heart attack" thingy. If only. Because I know better than anyone the pain of a memory flooding back through the senses.

Someone once said that when we look back upon our life, the things we remember the most are the things we did in love. He was right. For of all the events that have crossed my paths, it is these moments that come back with a fresh essence. The little chocolate, one which you would probably take as a last option today, if nothing else existed, for me meant, nay, means a lot. For 12 years back, it was a means for a shy girl to tell me something I was too dumb to realise from her eyes. Of course, in time, even I realised the love that existed and reciprocated.

The memories still tease when least expected - of the day I convinced her that I loved her too, of the cute cards that arrived in the mail even though we chatted daily, the surprise visits I'd arrange just to see the joy in her face, the secret codewords, the conversations that would carry on till early in the morning, the big act of avoiding each other in class lest anyone spotted us ( even though everyone knew !!! ), walking miles during a bandh to visit her in the hospital... the trust that seemed ironclad till suddenly, it wasn't ; breaking her heart unknowingly and being unable to repair the damage. Being able to think of her now married and settled in life and finally smile, knowing she's happy and finally got a guy who could give her the life I never could.

It's been over 12 years since I was given that chocolate.. I still have the wrapper tucked away safely at home. I still have the thoughful gifts and the beautiful painting she made for me. As part of an unspoken promise, I no longer have the cards and declarations of love. But damn it, why do I have to keep the memories ?

You never forget your first love and that's not fair, Mr God... you allow us to forget the first time we walked, the first movie we saw, the first chocolate we ate, the first teacher who taught us, the first exam report and the first disease we suffered.. all milestones of our lives, but not this. Damn this heart. It's learnt at an early age to settle for less, to bear a huge amount of suffering and carry on. It has learnt to make others laugh so that there is no time to cry.. if only there was no time left after making everyone laugh.

But I guess, I'm blessed. I have been touched by an angel. Thanks to her, I learnt to express myself rather than stay hidden in the corner. I learnt to live instead of being alive. I learnt to be strong seeing her courage in adversities. She will probably never read this post, but if she did, I can just picture the mischievious smile on her face as she nods and says - "Oof !!! Finally, after all these years, he acknowledged all the trouble I took caring for a nincompoop like him." I do.

Senti fool that this heart is, it is content with what love it has recieved over those years even while it awaits more. The recent past is long forgotten, riddled in comic tragedy worthy of an 80s Hindi flick, even as the distant past belies hope for gaining true love once more. Glutton for love or punishment, time will tell.

But that brings me to what I want to ask you today - "what 2 lasting memories from your teen years will you be carrying with you forever ?"

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Crumpled Peacock, Tattered Tiger

Oh my God !!! How can it be ? Isn' one out of every 5 in the world Indian ? Didn't we all pitch in online once upon a time ( well, I didn't, but a hell many did obviously ) to ensure Amitabh Bachchan a.k.a. the Farmer was voted as THE STAR OF THE MILLENIUM, leaving the rest of the world wondering, "Huh ? Who's that ?"

So how is it that with 7.7.7 approaching, the monumet of India, the Taj, is barely registering in the NEW 7 wonders of the world opinion poll ? Suddenly, there's songs on Tv, news channels and all forms of media trying to wake up every Indian to the fact that they have to do their moral duty once more and make Shah Jahan a happy corpsy.

Bugging, isn't it, when things don't go your way ? Despite all the whining and grumbling, with less han a month away, things look grim for the Marbled wonder.. well, unlike you evil munchkins, I went online and did my part - I voted.

I got 7 votes and so voted for :

1. Acropolis 2. Christ Redeemer 3. Easter Island Statues 4. Eiffel Tower 5. Great Wall of China 6. Neuschwanstein Castle and 7. Sydney Opera House.

Oops.. I forgot to put the Taj in there, now, didn' I ? Duh !! How dare I be so anti-national ? Does this make me less Indian ? Just what is the concept here.. that as an Indian, you must choose Indian ? What happened to freedom of choice.. there's a reason why Baskin Robbins has 31 flavours - because NOT EVERYONE wants vanilla, chocolate or strawberry !!! The choice is of an individual, not a nation's honour. You wanna use arm twisting politics ? Here's some advice, guys - try your 27 % minority reservation here, beeeyach !! Funny, isn't it ? the Indians of the world united once this year ( or was it the Brits ? ) to help Shilps win the Shilpa- Goody war. Yet now....



Another orange clan is fuming too elsewhere in India. Everybody's writing badly about our daddy cause he's a bloody religious don who uses force to bend the system and always escape... boohoo !!
The natural answer to finding out that Orkut has a few hate communities devoted to "Sarkar" - go to a random cyber cafe and beat up the people inside. Gee, that should work, jackass. Then, realising they were thinking too small scale, they demanded Orkut be banned nationwide. Sigh... for once, their whims have come to naught as noone can do anything for them. The fact that the old padre's 3 grandchildren all have Orkut profiles further embarrassed the party's stand.. FINALLY. How does it feel to lose ?
You know, for once, can you guys go do something good.. like, for example, go beat up the guys killing your logo ( THE TIGER , not saffron shorts ) so that your kids can live to see a real tiger in their lifetime ? Or actually go and hack to death rapists and murderers, theives and dons.. it is such an immense waste of manpower to see these million pricks with their long knives and forks holding a democracy at ransom, doncha think ? Can you imagine the influence they could wield if they would only turn to good deeds and leave the moral issues of history to... history ? Finally, we'd get some vigilantes we could be proud of..

Anyway, we have good company in stupid rules - did you read of the Egyptian fatwa that says that a woman can only work with a man together if she breastfeeds him 5 times ( thus forming a maternal-son bond ) !!!! I don't know about you guys, but I'm already building the sails for my boat... methinks, the Egyptian clerics have been staring too long at the camel humps, eh ? Amazing the shit they come up with. Isn't it funny how you can get away with a lot of crap as long as you say it's in God's name .. weirdos !! Huh ? What did you say ? My blog title what ? My posts claim to be what ? Oh,lay off, will ya.. go click on the link and vote your 7 wonders !!! Meanwhile, I and God will resume our Monopoly game. Hehehe, my doggy just built a hotel on PALLMALL.. and somebody's gonna pay !!!!

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A Picture speaks....

"No matter how gorgeous a woman is, somewhere there is a man who is tired of 'banging' her and is looking for a change. "

The above line I paraphrase from one of the few episodes of "Mind of the Married Man" that I came across years back. The line stuck with me and popped up when I saw this pic in the paper a couple of days back.

In it, the present Miss France 2007 Rachel Legrain-Trapani and a former French PM's son, Thomas are 'watching' the French Open quarter final match between Swiss player Roger Federer and Spanish Tommy Robredo while Aishwarya Bachchan watches from a row below.

Maybe it's cause I've had an overdose of Ash over these last 12 years or whatever, but I can't imagine how that dude can actually take his eyes of the girl beside him and rest it on Ash.

I mean, look at the look on his face.. if that guy's thinking of tying a rakhi on Ash, then I'm the Pope ! And woooah, before you go thinking, I've turned saffronly moralistic, neigh fear ye !!! This is pure and simple, green eyed envy. You see, that right there, that's where I think every man in the world probably wants to be - in between 2 astonishingly hot women and have a wicked leer as we clean our fingernails and choose - " Hmmm, French toast or butter chicken ? What shall I go for today after the game ? "

Miss France is probably a good 10 years younger than Ashy honey and , in my book anyway, a whole lot more gorgeous, but still - the fact remains, you can't get a guy to keep his eyes fixed on his woman alone. We're just not built that way.. to misquote Robin Williams - we got the brains and the pee-pee, but only enough blood supply to use one at a time !!!

If only people kept their eyes on women like they were meant to rather than these silly war games, this world would be such a lovely place.. lusty, but what the heck, drool over bloodshed anyday, man.

P.S. Wouldn't you love to be a fly in the room watching the drama unfold when Ms France saw the next day's paper showing her boy going ga-ga-goo-goo over "that Indian gal " ?

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To the stranger I love

I haven't met you yet, I guess. That's what makes this post so weird.

I don't even know you and I'm missing you already.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we've passed by each other, too busy in our own lives to glance at each other. Maybe our eyes met. Maybe we're miles apart with no idea that the other person exists.

I wish I knew who you were. I would love to know what makes your eyes twinkle - is it a brash YO MAMMA joke, or perhaps a subtle flirtation ? A hidden smile ? Chocolate ?
I would love to know what is "your" unique expression - a seductive lip bite ( grrrowl ), an arched eye brow ( say wha' ) or a rosy blush ?
I would love to know who you are, what you read, what you listen to and how you relax at the end of a rough day.

I don't know you.

But someday, in the future, I will fall in love with you.
And I hope you will too.

I want you to know that while I am gullible, I do wear my heart on my sleeve.. and I do love easily. I still believe as I did before that a person becomes more beautiful when you are in love with them. I realise now that it isn't necessary for couples to like the same things for love to exist.

I hope to let you know, as the years go by, that I will stay true ( disclaimer : mental fantasies excluded ), and while being a pain in the ass, I will be an adorable pain in the ass.
I hope you will learn to trust me the way I will blindly trust you ( unless you're a lawyer.. that's fair, right ? ) I hope you will grant me the space I desire without worrying that I need you not ( for nothing can be further from the truth )... I hope you can see beyond the jokes and realise that there is a serious person too trapped inside.

Till that day comes when we finally meet, stranger, stay safe. If you are in love, I hope it is a wonderful experience ( though not lovely enough that I have to compete with the memories !! ) . I hope you look both ways before crossing the street and avoid dark alleys. I hope you ain't sitting in a cafe worrying while eating the chocolate fantasy how your figure will be judged.. my eyes, at such times, are glued to the chocolate fantasy, rest assured.
I hope you don't worry whether I find your hot friend attractive. While my eyes may escort her as she travels the room, my heart will remain with you ( or something like that ). I hope you love cats the way I do.. stir fried or in a nice gravy with our pet dog nodding appreciatively.
I hope you cry while watching tear jerkers - it makes it easier to tease you while I get rid of the dust in my eye.

Most importantly, I hope you have a keen sense of humour... you will need it to love me.. heck, you will need it to be in love with me !!

If, however, in the end, fate intervenes, if our roads never cross, I pray you have a good life. I hope you get the guy you always dreamed of, the house with the seaside view and the labrador that does card tricks too - just leave me the last slice of the chocolate fantasy back at the coffee shop to remember you by, in my mind's eye, as the stranger I never laid eyes upon and looked forward to loving.

Till then, my love, I hope you are praying for me too somewhere.
Sleep tight.
Don't let the bedbugs bite.

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